Children don’t think exactly like adults. When discussing this week’s shooting at an Ohio high school, deadly severe storms or other tragedies with children, it’s important to take special care. Carrie Little, program coordinator/educator at Family & Children’s Services, has tips to help parents talk to their children about tragedy.

Need professional help in dealing with trauma in your child’s life? We can help. Click here to learn more about trauma treatment services at Family & Children’s Services.

We hear a lot these days about the poor state of health in Oklahoma as compared to the rest of the nation. Perhaps you’ve also heard the news that people diagnosed with a serious mental illness are at a higher risk of premature death. Earlier this month, the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration/Health Resources Services Administration Center for Integrated Health Solutions explained that these premature deaths are “largely due to complications from untreated, preventable chronic illnesses like obesity, hypertension, diabetes, and cardiovascular disease, which are aggravated by poverty-driven health choices, like poor nutrition, lack of exercise, and smoking.”

We at Family & Children’s Services are acutely aware of this problem. Many of our clients don’t have a regular medical doctor. They use the emergency room for their health care or, sadly, forgo needed medical attention. Through a partnership with the George Kaiser Family Foundation and Morton Comprehensive Health Services, Family & Children’s Services took a bold step to help improve the health of our clients by opening a medical clinic in October 2011 inside the Sarah & John Graves Center.  

Currently, the clinic operates one day a week and is available for adults receiving mental health services from Family & Children’s Services. Clinic patients may also receive free medication as prescribed by a Morton medical provider. Patients receive treatment for colds and other minor complaints and serious, chronic illnesses such as high blood pressure and diabetes.

So, can one day a week really help? By mid-February, 281 clients had been seen during the clinic’s 16 operating days. Over 70 percent of those served said they didn’t have a primary care physician and, instead, used to visit hospital emergency rooms for care. More than 20 percent didn’t seek care when sick. But now, these individuals have a resource for getting treatment and, just as important, managing their wellness.

The direct impact on our clients and their loved ones is evident. However, our community as a whole benefits, too, through less crowded emergency rooms and lower health care costs. 

A new national report reveals that 45.9 million American adults aged 18 or older, or 20 percent of this age group, experienced mental illness in the past year. The rate of mental illness was more than twice as high among those aged 18 to 25 (29.9 percent) than among those aged 50 and older (14.3 percent). Adult women were also more likely than men to have experienced mental illness in the past year (23 percent versus 16.8 percent).

To read the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration’s full news release on the study, click here.

Too often, parents find themselves caught in a game of “gimme” with their children – as in, “Gimme this, Mom.” or “Dad, can you gimme a new video game?” However, how much money you spend on your kids matters less than how much time you spend with them.

Tulsa World Blogger Natalie Mikles has some fantasic ideas for spending time together as a family free or on the cheap. We have a few other suggestions:

Have a board game night. Younger children can be paired up with older kids or parents. Reading game cards reinforces language skills, and moving the pawn and handling money helps with mathematics.

Channel Scheherezade, the fabled Persian storyteller. She told a story that lasted 1,001 nights, ending each night’s session on a suspenseful note. Let every member of the family have an opportunity to tell part of the story you create together.

Go dancing without the stars. Turn on some music and cut a rug on your own rug. It’s a great way to get some exercise and is likely to leave everyone giggling.

Stage your own “Chopped” challenge. Set out an array of motley ingredients, start a timer and tell your little chef to create a culinary masterpiece. Plan to be on hand to help younger children with cutting and any cooking required, but let their creativity guide the final product.

“He isn’t even trying anymore.”

“She doesn’t care.”

Sound familiar?  If so, you are not alone.  Many couples go through times when one or both feel that they are the only one “working” on the relationship.  It becomes frustrating to reflect on your relationship and see only those things that you do to make your relationship work.  It can become a habit to focus only on those things that your partner ISN’T doing.  When this habit forms it is likely that other bad habits form in its wake, including bouts of escalation when trying to discuss issues with your partner, or starting sentences that begin with, “You never… ” or “You always… .”

Especially if you have children together, it is important to find ways of relating to one another without damaging your closeness.  One way to begin this process is called “Do Your Part.”  This concept relies greatly on your ability to look closely at your thoughts and actions to bring about change in your relationship.  In other words, in every situation, find a way to do the best you can.  Whether that be choosing not to yell and scream, or choosing to do something nice for your partner even in times of irritation. 

This does not mean you can change your relationship on your own.  It takes two to make a relationship work over time.  However, if both you and your partner begin a daily practice of “Do Your Part,” the need for each to focus on the other’s bad behavior will cease.  This involves trust.  You have to trust that your partner is doing everything he or she can to make your relationship and family life work, and vice versa.  This also involves a lot of respect and kindness, both toward yourself and your partner.

“Do Your Part” can change the tone of your relationship.  You will begin to process events in a different way.  Instead of automatically going toward the one thing your partner did wrong, you will be thinking in “I” statements instead.  Like, “What could I have done to make that conversation better?”  or, “What could I do today to make my relationship stronger?” 

If you would like to learn more about “Do Your Part,” and other concepts and skills to make your relationship strong, Family & Children’s Services offers a free class called Forever. For Real. In this class, couples learn together the skills needed to create a lasting and loving partnership.

Family & Children’s Services is asking local retailers to clear their racks. The agency’s popular warehouse sale fundraising event is just around the corner – and merchandise is needed!

F&CS will host its ninth annual Abersons & Friends Warehouse Sale on March 28-30, 2012, at its central office, 650 S. Peoria Avenue. Proceeds of the sale will help F&CS provide counseling, treatment and support services to children who’ve been abused, families in crisis and individuals faced with overwhelming problems or mental illness.

Local merchants can support the effort by donating unsold stock – including home décor, housewares; women’s, men’s and children’s clothing; accessories and more – to F&CS. The agency will coordinate pick up from stores. Participating merchants may take a tax deduction for any items they donate, will be listed in promotional materials and – best of all! – will have more room on their racks to display the latest spring merchandise. 

Nearly 35 stores and hundreds of bargain-loving shoppers participated in last year’s Abersons & Friends Warehouse Sale. To get more information or schedule a pick up date, contact Rochelle Dowdell, the F&CS special events coordinator, at 918.560.1115 or rdowdell@fcsok.org.

After experiencing a traumatic event (either first-hand or through overexposure to news coverage), it is normal to encounter a range of emotional, physical, behavioral, cognitive and spiritual reactions. These responses can appear at once or after some time. They may last for a few days, weeks or longer. Normal reactions to an event may feel abnormal, but like symptoms of an illness, they too will run their course.

Family & Children’s Services recommends a number of resources to help those directly and indirectly impacted by the May 20, 2013 tornado cope and recover:

Quick Tip: Common responses to trauma

Quick Tip: Dealing with grief

Quick Tip: Knowing when to ask for professional help

Oklahoman: Helping children cope

NCTSN: Parent guidelines for helping children

NCTSN: Questions to ask your children

NCTSN: Tips for parents on media coverage

NCTSN: What parents can do to help themselves

Place your bids – the Brainiac Ball online auction is now open! The auction is open to individuals attending Brainiac Ball, Family & Children’s Services’ legendary trivia challenge and fundraising event, and to those not attending the soiree. Items in the auction include jewelry, electronics, wine, sports packages and much more.

The online auction closes at 9 a.m. Monday, June 3.

Click here to visit our online auction!

Time to get your thinking cap on! The tenth annual Brainiac Ball benefiting Family & Children’s Services is just around the corner.

Brainiac Ball kicks off at 6 p.m. June 1 in the Tulsa Convention Center ballroom. Event co-chairs Jennifer Johnson and Laura Revella invite know-it-alls and party animals alike to attend the “smart casual” soiree.

A lively team trivia event is a perennial highlight of Brainiac Ball. This year’s challenge, hosted by local genius Josh Richey of Live Event Trivia, is sure to entertain and challenge the 2012 championship team from ARVEST Bank and others looking to match wits for a good cause.

Brainiac Ball also features a fun wine toss, a Moody’s “Flash Your Bling” raffle, a crazy hat contest, an online auction opening May 17 and an impressive live auction. A few of the premier packages up for bid in the live auction include: an elite golf package with rounds at Southern Hills Country Club, The Patriot Golf Club and Karsten Creek; a gorgeous, 6-week-old Goldendoodle puppy; a best of Brady district package featuring a three-course meal at the vibrant new Arts & Humanities Hardesty Arts Center, cases of coveted Far Niente Chardonnay and Cabernet Sauvignon, a progressive shopping party and several dream vacations.

New this year to Brainiac Ball is the “Best of Live” raffle. Family & Children’s Services will sell only 250 “Best of Live” raffle tickets; one winning ticket will be selected at random on May 28. The winner will get a live auction item of his choosing. Individuals need not be present at Brainiac Ball to participate in the “Best of Live” raffle, and tickets are available for $50 each.

Nearly 550 guests attended last year’s Brainiac Ball, raising $435,000 to heal abused children, strengthen families in crisis, and set individuals battling mental illness and addiction on the path to recovery. Family & Children’s Services hopes to raise more than a half-million dollars at this year’s event.

Members of the Brainiac Ball committee include Jennifer Cooper, Marianne Ballard, Denise Redmond, Julee Thomas, Elizabeth King, Mary Sherwood, Marjo Burk, Mary Husband, Sara Dale, Marty Hutton, Jenny Kinzie, Dana Linner, Andrea Siegler, Mary Grossi, Patty Heckenkemper, Ann Pettus, Carey Cole, Tina Parkhill, Laura Mantooth, Pam St. Clair, Saletha Fuller, Celeste Davis, Mary Morrell, Vicki Casey, Sheri Colpitt, Joan Robson, Mary Fox and Teresa Slagle.

The presenting sponsor of Brainiac Ball is Cyclonic Valve Company, Inc. Genius sponsors are Bette and Michael L. Graves, George Kaiser Family Foundation, Charles and Lynn Schusterman Family Foundation, and Williams. Merit scholars include Apache Corporation, Ruth Nelson and Tom Murphy, and Sisk Trust. Valedictorian sponsors are BancFirst, Bank of America, Erin and Don Chappel, Commerce Bancshares Foundation, Dollar Thrifty Automotive Group, Frederic Dorwart, Lawyers; Hall, Estill; The Helmerich Trust, HILTI, Laura and Max Mantooth, Ralph and Frances McGill Foundation, Monica Murray, Statewide General Agency, Inc.; Vicki J. Vaniman, T.D. Williamson, Inc.; WPX Energy and Zarrow Families Foundation.

Family & Children’s Services and George Kaiser Family Foundation held a graduation ceremony Monday, May 13 at the Oklahoma State Capitol for 21 participants who recently completed Women in Recovery (WIR), a program that provides an alternative to prison. This ceremony marks more than 115 graduates since the first group of graduates in July 2010.

“In this program, I have become a strong, confident, compassionate woman. I have found joy in life and peace within myself,” said Amy Collins, a graduate of Women in Recovery. “I have become a better mother, friend, sister, daughter, granddaughter and employee. I am proud of who I am today.”

WIR is an alternative to incarceration for nonviolent female offenders in Tulsa County who have alcohol and drug addictions. The program includes one year of intensive treatment and services, allowing participants to successfully return to their families and communities. WIR is a program of Family & Children’s Services in Tulsa and George Kaiser Family Foundation is its lead funder.

“George Kaiser Family Foundation is proud to support Women in Recovery,” said Ken Levit, executive director of the foundation. “Our foundation is dedicated to breaking the cycle of poverty in Tulsa, and if we can help these women to get their lives back on track and become productive members of society, then they will be able to focus on their children and setting a good example for them in the future.”

Levit provided the introduction at the ceremony, while T. Hastings Siegfried, vice chairman of The NORDAM Group, was the featured speaker.

“It is inspiring to see the great accomplishments made by these women,” said Siegfried. “Each woman has a unique story with a variety of obstacles to overcome and Women in Recovery has played a large role in assisting with their success.”

In order to qualify for WIR, the women must be 18 years of age or older, involved in the criminal justice system and of imminent risk of incarceration, ineligible for other diversion services or courts and must have a history of substance abuse.

One important aspect of WIR is reunifying participants with their children and families. That’s why women with children have a high priority for program admission. In total, WIR has helped 247 women and 517 children since 2009. Today’s 21 graduates have a total of 53 children.

“At WIR, we focus on bringing families together and giving mothers the tools needed to be a sober, dependable role model for their children,” said Mimi Tarrasch, WIR program director. “After every graduation, I am always amazed and so proud of the progress achieved by each participant. It feels good to know I have the opportunity to work with an organization that makes such a great impact on families in Oklahoma.”

In order to graduate from WIR, all participants must be drug/alcohol-free, crime-free, employed, actively participating in community recovery support, engaged in reunification plans with their children and meeting all legal and court requirements. The program includes an aftercare program and three-year follow up evaluation provided by the University of Tulsa. 

Join us at Tapestry of Faith, 1330 E. 41st Street, for a night of wine, hors d’oeuvres and shopping. It’s a great time to find that perfect Mother’s Day gift. Plus, 15% of sales from the party and from store sales Thursday through Saturday will go to Family & Children’s Services.

The party will be held from 6-8 p.m. Thursday.

Oklahoma is a national leader in early childhood education. For the past 15 years, the state has offered universal pre-kindergarten classes to all 4-year-olds. And it puts special attention on helping children living in poverty. Family & Children’s Services is proud to partner with Community Action Project of Tulsa County and George Kaiser Family Foundation to provide parenting classes and other support services to families with children in the Head Start and Early Head Start programs.

Bilingual family support specialist Cori Pardo has walked far more than a mile in her clients’ shoes.

In 1999, Pardo – then an 11-year-old girl – and her mother immigrated to the United States from Mexico. The transition was a difficult one for Pardo, as it is for many new residents.

“A lot of times, you don’t know about things, about the help that’s available,” remembered Pardo. Things like free and discounted medical care, credit counseling, educational assistance and other support.  Pardo’s parents didn’t speak English, which further limited the family’s ability to access resources.

Being matched with a mentor in the 7th grade changed the course of Pardo’s life. The woman, with whom Pardo continues a close relationship, dispensed advice and homework assistance, linked the family with available community resources, and helped Pardo learn about and apply for college scholarships.

“She taught me that everything is possible,” said Pardo.

At the University of Oklahoma, Pardo studied political science “because the government makes the decisions in the world.” But she was inspired by her mentor to pursue a career at Family & Children’s Services. Pardo joined the team in October 2012, nearly 10 months after becoming a U.S. citizen. She helps families of children enrolled in the Eastgate and Rosa Parks Head Start and Early Head Start programs improve their parenting skills, secure community resources, set and meet personal goals, and build brighter futures for their families. Many of the families on her caseload are new to the country or don’t speak English.

Pardo considers it a privilege to help people with challenges similar to those she and her family faced. “I’m pretty lucky to be able to be here,” said Pardo. “I’m able to help other families achieve the American dream.”

Family & Children’s Services is currently hiring bilingual family support specialists. Click here to get more inforamtion on available positions or to apply online.

Leslie Burgess was a devoted mother. Her sister, Stacey Burgess, was a caring and involved aunt. Both women worked around children who’d been abused – and then the little boy they loved became a victim. As part of local Child Abuse Prevention Month activities and to help promote the upcoming March Against Child Abuse, the two shared their story with Tulsa World Columnist Ginnie Graham.

Click here to read the full story.

Images and stories related to the explosions at the Boston Marathon will dominate the nation’s headlines for days to come. Talking to children about tragedies – especially those in which other children have been victimized – can be difficult. Family & Children’s Services offers the following tips to help parents talk to their children about the incident:

Children don’t always react the same as adults do to death and tragedy. Typical behavior for kids may include confusion, anger/irritability, nightmares or insomnia, loss of appetite, headaches and stomach aches, regressive behavior (thumb-sucking, bed-wetting, renewed sibling rivalry, demonstrating less responsibility) and difficulty in school.

Don’t try to keep kids in the dark or shield them from all news of the tragedy. Chances are that your kids are going to hear about what’s happened from their friends, via media or from another source. Hiding information isn’t the answer. It’s important to be open and honest, but the approach you take should vary based on your child’s age and understanding.

For preschoolers and very young children:

• Reassure them that they are safe now.
• Give extra hugs and physical comfort.
• Stick to routines as much as possible. Routines are comforting and give a sense of order.
• Monitor what they watch and hear, as some news reports might plant scary images in their heads.
• Answer questions directly and in very clear terms. (For example, “passed on” can be confusing… or if you’re dealing with the death of a family pet, “put to sleep,” isn’t clear enough for most young kids.)
• Don’t be surprised if a child in this age group shows you he’s angry or frightened by showing regressive behavior or by acting things out during her play, or by drawing certain images.

 For grammar school-aged children:

• Don’t provide false reassurance/sugar-coat things. This is an age when children will question you.
• Monitor what they watch and hear, as some news reports might plant scary images in their heads.
• They’ll be able to pick up on your emotions, so admit it if you’re feeling sad or angry – but also reassure them that your job is to take care of them.
• Stick to routines as much as possible.

 For teenagers:

• Monitor what information they get from the news and the Internet, and use those reports as springboards for conversation.
• Realize that while teens may try to play down their worries or “act cool,” that doesn’t mean they’re unfeeling or oblivious.
• Be honest about any financial, physical or emotional impacts the situation has had on your family directly.

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Americans are known for placing heavy emphasis on work and career. But no matter how much you love your job, work can be real work sometimes… . Often, it’s your interactions with your colleagues that make work so challenging. In the video below, Carrie Little, education and community relations manager at Family & Children’s Services, shares tips on navigating office problems.